I want to talk about something that has been on my mind: The almighty SHOULD. It is a word that can single-handedly unravel anything your heart wants for you most. If you could only make that should shut up! “Shoulds” are tricky. They go something like this,
- I should be exercising.
- I should have done this or that.
- I should know this by now.
- I should call my MOM.
They can be pretty harsh and most often punitive. But let’s flip that script. Look at them through the eyes of love ( ahem, self love that is)! When you catch yourself in this place of should-ing, stop, think of what’s important in there and throw some love all over that should. For instance,
- “I should be exercising.” Could be this: I love to exercise so I’m going to find more time to add it back into my schedule. Now, if you are not a lover of exercise and there is something more going on here, then be honest with yourself. Are you saying this because you think you should be something you are not? Can you LOVE how you are now?
- “I should have done this or that.” Could be: I’m doing a lot right now. Maybe some things need to be adjusted so I can make room for those things that are important to me. Here there are many ways to examine this one. But if it comes down too much and things are slipping at the way side then maybe it’s time to figure out what you can get help with and what is truly your responsibility. Find the love, not the fault.
- “I should know this by now.” Could be: I am growing in new ways and learning a lot. I will make sure to give myself a lot of self-care and love while I’m growing in this new way.
- “I should call my MOM.” Could be: I’m going to call my Mom right now. OR, It’s been some time and I would like to talk to my Mom. Ok, I am going to be REAL here with you on this one. Mom’s and daughter relationships can be a complicated matter. So take this one with a bit of ease and levity. There may need to be MORE LOVE added than this. <3
Hopefully, you realize by some of these examples that self love is about being compassionate to yourself and not punishing. Should comes from the place of saying, “You are not good enough and you need to be worker harder.” Well, WHO SAYS! Your negative self talking Saboteur does. And if you remember, I told ya what that was all about over here.
I believe anyone can get to the bottom of a should. All it takes is the commitment to want out of it, focused intention and patience with yourself. Once you begin you will clear the way and then all you will hear is your heart.
I need HELP with the shoulds!
Does this SHOULD game sound a bit too hard to go it on your own? Maybe you need to just get started with your own should’s and then be set free to unravel their tricky tales. Well, I’m hear to help whisper to you what your heart wants you to know and coach you on how to hear it more. Grab some time with me for 45 minutes and let’s get beyond that should once and for all!