RAISE your hand, if you are tired of being fixed.

Have you ever experienced a time where you felt like someone was fixing you?

Let me set the scene with an example that could be plucked out of real life.

You are at a party. You bumped into a friend and a conversation starts. The “How are you?” exchange kicks it off. Then at some point, the friend asks a more in-depth question that deserves a fuller answer.  If you are anything like me and consider yourself to be an honest person, then no matter the question, you always tell it like it is. Usually that means being really transparent and giving more details. What I’ve noticed is that this somehow “gives permission”or carte blanche for what comes next.  And what comes next is that you find yourself in the middle of a strategy talk. And as a result, you both have moved away from connecting as human beings and straight into how can this (you) be fixed.

Just because someone shared their vulnerability doesn’t mean they want to be fixed!

What happens to you when this is unfolding?

Well, at first you may feel a bit off.  You may also feel like you are wrong, small or not good enough because this person is in process of fixing you.  Your friend, by asking one question, has now created an incubator on how can we make You great (again). They don’t even notice that you’re not “in” the conversation anymore. You probably have stopped talking for awhile. They are so busy spinning ideas at you that you are lost in a wave of their inspired energy and incidentally loving what they are coming up with!  This energy that they created is not for you. It is for them to feel good about themselves, using your answer to their question as a way to achieve this. But that doesn’t feel too great for you.

When you are the one on the receiving end of this kind of conversation you will feel it in your solar plexus (gut) while the person is talking. And that feeling is like a warning sign saying something like, “This is not resonating.”or “This doesn’t feel right.” But you may not be sure why you are feeling that and let the conversation continue. And if you are an HSP/Empath like me, you want to stop the conversation but you are overwhelmed by their feelings and your own.  Now, here comes the people who say, “Oh just tell them to shut up and mind their own business.” Unfortunately, if we could gain some ground while it was happening then you bet we would. But it is not in the nature of an highly sensitive person to do that because we know how it feels.  We know that when we tell them to stop or “shut up”, how that will land, and feel on the other person immediately. Because we feel that too. It has very much the effect of a boomerang. Only with feelings. In a way, it is a wonderful gift because you know what you say hurts both you & the other person. So you are naturally careful when choosing your words. On the other hand, it causes you to freeze when you are in a situation where you do need to stand up for yourself. My throat closes and I smile a lot when I am in this type of situation.

Honestly, I’m still learning how to navigate this hidden talent of being an HSP/Empath. What I have come to understand about being empathetic is that we often pull in emotions and feelings of others, in a subconscious and natural way, which can confuse us with our own feelings. Often, we assume the feelings we pull in, are our own. It is important to get tools* that you can use to protect yourself so that you can hold your boundaries and ward off these types of seemingly innocent conversations.

 

What is happening in this conversation?

It is simple. We’ve all been raised in a society to find solutions to problems. We want RESULTS. When someone is solving, it is from the head. The epicenter of analytical problem solving. Which is needed and good. Let’s not make that a bad thing. But, when we go to this place, which let’s face we’ve all learned to do, we are thinking in a linear way. That means everything and everyone must fit into a proven way for success. Therefore, when someone sees a problem, they instantly detach from the person, and begin to fix. But this kind of thinking, doesn’t consider you, your feelings, & your life experience. Maybe you’ve got this handled & just experiencing a set back. There is a lot of assuming and resolving that is not considering these other factors which is YOU!  This has little to do with being compassionate of other people’s journeys or processes, when one listens to fix another person. It is almost always more about them than you. It is akin to advise giving! I’ve talked about that, here.

 

Does this situation sound familiar? What did you do?

Please share in the comments. Let’s support each other in changing our fixing habits into loving ones.

 

*A few notable resources for HSP/Empathetic people:

The Empath’s Survival Guide by Judith Orloff

The Highly Sensitive person website, by Dr. Elaine Aron

 

Are you FED up with being “fixed” but you are looking for change? Do you want someone to listen and really see who you are without trying to solve you and give you advice?

Look no further!

It is my specialty to see you as you truly are and approach your concerns with an open and loving heart. I coach women to listen, trust and follow their hearts. If you are ready for a talk about what you want to bring into your life then please schedule 45 minutes with me.

Netwerkcafé Amsterdam: Could it be time for you to follow your heart? workshop

Could it be your time to follow your heart?

I’m hosting another workshop in Amsterdam on February 18 for Netwerkcafé Amsterdam: Werken voor Elkaar.  

In this workshop, the focus is getting into your heart instead of your head.

Some key points on this topic are:

  • Why getting back into your heart is important in career& life.
  • How to know you are not in it and how to get into it more?

The benefits of following and leading from the heart are:

  • Clarity – always knowing what direction to take and what works best for you.
  • Ease & Flow – to your life and work. No more hustle or extra effort.
  • Confidence – you can always count on yourself. No more second-guessing!
  • FUN – creating life and choosing a career on your own terms is wonderful and let’s face it, FUN

 

More Details about the event and to RSVP here.

Guided Episode #10 – How I flourished when I stopped trying to fit in.

 

“Your first impression is your ONLY impression.” Petra Fisher, talking on your presence on LinkedIn.

 

Petra and I met a few years ago when I attended a great workshop of hers on LinkedIn.  At the event I really got a feel of who Petra is, and she does not disappoint. Fun, sarcastic and just straight-forward about the things that matter the most: YOU and bringing out who you REALLY are in your LinkedIn profile. You could say we have this, being true to yourself, in common.

During the interview she even makes me more aware of how I’m not showing up in my profile! YUP the interviewer becomes the interviewee.  I left it ALL of that in, including our funny false start. You see, it wouldn’t make sense to edit out what makes this truly authentic with a woman who embodies that to the very core of her essence. So, in honor of that I kept it REAL & true to us both. Enjoy.

In this interview you will find out,

  • Petra’s journey in becoming a business owner while holding down a job.
  • How work environment doesn’t align with her personality
  • What she discovered by wearing jeans instead of a suit
  • The one time she took a job but it wasn’t quite her thing.
  • Using her strategy of following her heart (in her words, gut) in chosing how she wants to work (or IF she wants to that day), who she wants to work with, etc…
  • That being herself instead of playing a role made her work feel like magic.

More about Petra:

Petra has been featured on local TV and podcasts around the globe https://petrafisher.com/featured-on/

She shares her tips freely through her blog (when she remembers) https://petrafisher.com/blogs

You can also connect with Petra,
Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/groups/linkedintipspetrafisher LinkedIn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/petrafisher
Twitter, https://twitter.com/petrafisher

 

A New way of working together

I’ve recently created a new coaching approach that is easy, affordable, and available to everyone to start NOW.

I decided that 2019 is the year I want to coach more people. And because that is my mission, I wanted to make it easy for anyone who is ready for coaching to be able to have access to coaching AND find the right approach for them.

These coaching sessions are named Jump into your heart, are intended to help anyone (yes it is open to both men and women) to get started in coaching as soon as today. I love what I do so why not make it easier.  This is the newest offer out of the 3 ways we can work together. The other 2 options are the online program: Full Heart Meditation program & my signature coaching program: Follow your heartIf you take a look that one got a bit of revamp on pricing as well! 

When you love what you do, the numbers aren’t what matter, it is about the people who have big dreams ready to be realized. I want to be the coach for them/you! 

If you are ready, I would love for you to be my next client!

Check out the video to learn more OR click the button to get started today!

A fresh new year to start speaking from your heart!

Next living room session is January 23, 2019

Happy new year! This will be the first living room session of the Speak from your heart for 2019. These meetings have become really special, supportive, and most of all, FUN! 

Since March of 2018, I began these living room sessions out of a longing to connect more with women.  I wanted to make it should be easy for any one to come,  a place where it can be fun, and to make it a small group so it could be safe to speak about those really deep things that lie inside us. What I have seen over the last several months is that more women are joining me ready to share their stories, their laughter, and also(big bonus), their food! I really enjoy meeting each of you who come to join in our meeting.

Could you be ready to join us for the next one? 
We would love to have you! ♥

Here is how we roll with these meetings.  Every month I host this event in the comfort of my home (otherwise known as, the living room). Together, we create a safe place for us to feel comfortable and able to talk about what resides deep in our hearts. All topics are open. There will be no photos of attendees, no live streams, no videos, or anything of the sort.  We hold a pact that all things shared in the room are not for the public.  Keeping it confidential, keeps us safe and allows us to open our hearts.

As always it is open for 8 women. Tea, Coffee, and snacks are provided.  We are happy to receive your baked goods and snacks if you would like to share some. 🙂

In order to secure one of these 8 spots, please “purchase” a ticket at the link provided. It is a free event. However, some details will not be published and therefore by purchasing a ticket and providing an email, you will receive more details about the event AND your spot will be reserved for this month.

Need more information or do you have any questions? Ask here. 🙂

5 + 13 =

Love is me.

Twist, twist, twist

Muscle around the bone.

Blood rushes,

Flooding.

The complexity of these tissues

to make one position in space.

A machine of flesh, organ and cell.

Big, small and in between.

All of this…is me.

Twisting in Space.

Working my body to fit in position.

Not a position I chose for myself.

Not entirely.

Some fits and some constraints.

When the twisting is no longer possible.

I STOP.

I BREAK.

My bones have grown weary

to be in this constricted place.

From MY mind.

From Scolding.

From SHAME.

None of it my natural design.

But one I did Embrace.

One I gave to be mine

Because of some flaw I thought I was;

Not Good Enough

Not worthy

and Lacking.

It’s not true.

It is a lie.

I am not the muscle, bone, blood or cell.

I am the one who surrounds

who holds this possibility

who is the thing

that is bigger than what

my eyes can see

It is a space held by ME.

Who am I?

I AM LOVE

 

 

 

and forever shall it be.