How to get a self-love BOOST before school gets out!

Summer vacation is almost here.

If you are a Career or Business owning Mom does any of the following sound like you RIGHT NOW?

  • Are you scrambling to get those last-minute projects done for your work or business?
  • Are you running the kids to and fro school rushing to help them get what needs to be done for school or any of the activities they have planned?
  • Do you have a long list of tasks to-do so you can prepare for when we can go on vacation and relax, to enjoy the sun?
  • Have you scheduled any time for yourself?
  • Tapped into your heart to follow what you need?

If you answered NO to that last two then this is an opportunity for YOU!

I have availability for to coach 3 women. Could this be for you? A woman who wants some self-love boosts to prime HER just in time for vacation.

Because let’s face it once you GET to your destination you may not be able to unwind all.the.way! And if you had that problem before then this is really the time to get in front of it before another summer vacation is ruined with NOT ENOUGHness. That feeling comes from too much doing, running, and filling all the requirements. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to:

  • To be excited for your vacation NOT only because you get a break but because you are able to fully be present and relax?
  • Not to have to WAIT to be on vacation to find some peace and calm?
  • and not worry that not everything got done “perfectly”?

This is what these self-love BOOSTs can give you right now to prep YOU for your own vacation. How great would that be?

The design of this coaching offer will work like my Jump into your Heart sessions. They are affordable, administered in a short time frame (before your vacation AND after if you so choose). You get a free meditation of your choice to support you through your holiday. And most of all MY FULL SUPPORT! <3

But as usual, I feel we must get to know one another before we start. I have availability for consultation/intakes. This is simply a twenty minute sample to see if the coaching is right for you!

 

FAQ-Frequently Asked Questions

What is the offer? I’m offering 3 women Self-Love Boost coaching before (and after) their vacation. This would be 3 or up to 6 coaching appointments.

How does this work? Schedule an appointment with me for a virtual call. We will have a twenty minute consultation/intake with some coaching included. If you love it we go forward if not then we don’t.

What happens in the intake? Each woman has different challenges. But as an example, it may go something like this:

As a busy Mompreneur or Career Mom, there are a number of things that just need to be done. I would want to find out,

Where you are leaking most of your energy?

What activities you are doing to help support your self-love (if any) now?

The goal would be how we can create a plan/practice on supporting you on the must-do lists while still honoring your time to rejuvenate your energy.

Is this a huge long coaching program? Nope. These sessions will still be 1 hour in length to give you the most value but they will be given in quick order not over months. They are affordable so not too much going out of the purse before the holiday. 

My kids are already out of school (live in a different country), is this still available to me? Yes indeed this is still available to you. We can create your sessions around times the kids are sleeping or while they are away at day camp. This is a fully customizable offer (as all my offers are) designed to give you a boost now. 

Ready to see if this is for you?

Schedule your virtual coffee/tea with me below!

 

Doing hard things in relationships, how to do it in a loving way.

“But I believe in the spirit of all people. And I don’t think that people do things to hurt you, specifically.”  

How do we have the hard conversations with those we care about in a loving way?  

This podcast explores my struggle with being loving while saying something is not okay by me. As I work through this and I recognize again this is the work of boundary setting again…I talk about Brene Brown’s work and her talk about the Anatomy of Trust. She pens it with a lovely acronym we can all remember: B.R.A.V.I.N.G. The first letter, is my focus point, always: Boundary setting. I think it comes up in different ways to show me that the work here is never ever officially done. It is important to recognize that the more we grow and expand into who we are, the boundaries will be needed to held up by you.

The thing that anchors me in is when I realized this…. “It is not selfish to stick up for myself. To let others know that this is not okay.”

 

We must always remember that relationships are a dance. But sometimes you must take the lead and teach the other how to dance with you.We teach people how to treat us. And when you stop and think about how you are in relationships it is important to ask yourself: How am I showing or letting others know how to treat  me?

  

What are your thoughts on saying the hard things in relationships? How did you find a loving way?

Share in the comments!

Feeling fraudulent? Here’s how to change it.

YOU are a fake! You are a phony! You have no idea what you are doing. You are a complete fraud.

 

Have you ever experienced a time when you felt like a total imposter?

 

Let’s talk about the Impostor Syndrome, when it shows up, and how there are ways we can tame its presence in our lives and learn from it.

We’ve all had Impostor Syndrome at some point in our lives. It is usually triggered by an event, a situation or a person. Of course, these events can be different for each of us, but in this post I will list three places we most often experience them. They are when,

  1. We are doing something that makes us very visible to others.
  2. We are learning something new & trying to apply it.
  3. We are comparing our talents & skills to another person.

Here is the break-down of each and what the Impostor can sound like when you are in the middle of the situation.

Number 1 – Visibility

When we are doing something that makes us very visible it can be very lonely and frightening. Take for example, speaking in front of an audience of 20 or more people. The Impostor shows up immediately because you are in a position where you stand alone, quite literally, against many. We hear this voice in our head, “Will they accept me?” “Am I good enough?”. Given that Public Speaking is a number one fear of adults it is easy to understand how very difficult this can be. We all want to feel accepted. Especially by our peer group.

Number 2 – Learning

The next common situation we can see the Impostor showing up is when we are learning something new. This can be a confronting thing for adults because we usually feel as though we know all the things, all the time. Or at least we think we should know all the things. We enter in the learning environment with a lot of ego & pride. Eventually we become overwhelmed when we don’t get it “right”. With this situation the language of the Impostor can sound like, “I’m not good enough or smart enough to learn this thing.” or “I’m too old to understand this stuff.”

Number 3 – Comparisonitis

The final situation or event that can summon the Impostor is when we compare our work or achievements against another’s. This has been commonly called, Comparisonitis. This one is around a lot thanks to the Internet and Social media. When we see someone doing that thing, that is very similar to what we are doing BUT they do it perhaps better or faster than you. This can make you feel like a total fraud. Usually you can hear this song sung in your head: “Not good enough, smart enough, you don’t know what the heck you are doing, you are not doing it right.”  All the words of the Impostor can play out on this one.

How do we get beyond the Impostor?

Well, we don’t ever actually get totally rid of the negative self-talk nor the Impostor entirely. It is part of the human condition. But there are ways you can start to get above these feelings of low self-worth or low self-esteem.

Build up awareness

The first way is to build up your awareness. As Dr. Maya Angelou said,

“When we know better, we do better.”

This takes time, consistency, and conscious effort. We have something like 80,000 thoughts a day. We also have learned some negative ways of looking at life. Between the ages of 1-6 years, we were keen observers of the caregivers around us: Mom & Dad, teachers, and other adults.  Many subliminal messages were downloaded that we weren’t even aware of because our observations and perceptions were developing. As children we were trying to make sense of things and building associations to how things work or should work. Therefore, this step will bring up some things for you that can be deep and confronting. Take time with this process.Please give yourself plenty of room for compassion and forgiveness. Start with one of the scenarios above and journal about feelings and thoughts that come up when you think about them.  This will bring awareness to it.

Feed your brain with the GOOD stuff!

Next way is to feed your mind. As you become aware you will want to do more to change the story. There are a lot of tools on how to do this. The one method of changing the way things are, is to feed your brain new positive and inspiring ideas every day. Start by listening to inspiring talks or podcasts. For instance, Ted Talks are great for inspiring and filling your mind with possibilities. You can also find a few podcasts on Itunes or Stitcher. By doing this you are retraining your brain to switch into a more optimistic brain rather than defaulting into seeking the negative Impostor talk first. My recommendation is to make this a part of your morning wake-up routine. Get your brain trained from the first moment you wake. And start the first 10,000 thoughts off right. 😉

Find your support team!

Finally, let’s talk about your support. Who has got your back? It is extremely important to surround yourself with people who know you well, are in a similar situation to yours, and have your best interests at heart. This is key for getting through those times when the Impostor can and will show up. Surround yourself with loving and supportive people who can see that you are putting yourself out there, doing something new, and might have times where you are comparing yourself to other’s work which ultimately is taking you off your game. These people can cheer you on, remind you why you took this step in learning or doing something new in the first place, and refocus you back on YOU. This is really necessary as self-love will get you far but not all the way. In other words, find your vibe tribe.

You may never get rid of the voice of the Impostor but the more you work at understanding your thoughts, filling your mind with inspiring guidance and leaning on those who love you, you will begin to see that these impostors that haunt you are NOT who you truly are. And what once was the voice of the Impostor will be replaced with the voice of your Cheerleader. And She/he/they says things like,

“You are doing so well!” “Everything you do looks effortless and flawless.” “You are enough.”

 

What do you think about Impostor Syndrome? Do you have other techniques that work for you?

Share in the comments! Let’s tackle that impostor together. 

When feeling rejected, can love be found?

HOW in the world does any of us get beyond feeling REJECTED?!

Well, it’s all about where the rejection originates. In this podcast I reflect on how and where it does originate in this one example, which is my own. What is key here is to ask:

Are you really being rejected or just feeling that way?

An important distinction to make.

Getting beyond the feeling takes time and giving it space. It is a process of healing. And you can almost never speed that up. Especially if it is a pattern in your life. But what can you do now?
You CAN do this one thing today, tomorrow and the day after that…you can see your way through it by understanding where you need to love yourself MORE. AND GIVE IT.

Lots of it, my friend.

 

Hey how did this episode hit ya?

Rejection is hard, and can feel lonely. So let’s not be lonely…connect with me by sharing what you are feeling on this topic? Find love here. <3

Got Twenty?

You are a busy woman. You can’t spare too much time between getting the kids off to school & managing your career or business. And even so, you are aware that the clock is running out on your vision. The vision of your life and how you want it. You want more EASE, feel MORE Confidence, and ready to make your move effortlessly.
You can feel it in your heart but haven’t found a way to make it happen. Probably because you feel you don’t have the time!

Time out & take TWENTY. Gift yourself twenty minutes & have a free call with me, a heart-whispering self-love coach. Come discover what IS possible by getting super clear on how to take the necessary action to get your vision up & running. Make Time your friend BEFORE its up

Episode #13: This is the biggest killer to your true self.

“There is freedom in breaking the molds. There is freedom in knowing who you truly are.”

In this podcast, I continue to explore the topic of self-worth. I bring up the one thing that seems to really kill our sense of self: Conformity! This automatic program which was installed at a very young age; the age we go to school.

I talk about my thoughts on when my child began school and how I can see it change her. It is the institution where you hear your teacher say things like, “No speaking out of turn.” “Stay in line.” This all is meant to control any chaos all the while using labels to categorize children into bad vs. good. Shaming children to conform to a social norms from the “leader” at the front of the room. This archaic institution…how does it still stand in this time of technological advancements? Maybe like me, you too struggle with this as a parent.

We’ve conformed in order to fit into a society that ultimately doesn’t include us women equally. Though a bit more than others I recognize. All this comes by making us swallow the poison of the worst distortion of womanhood…be a “good girl”. Now in my mid- 40’s I’ve been working on myself, & coaching others, to break from those poisonous conforms of society to allow for our true selves to shine. Hopefully allowing me to guide my daughter to not “FIT IN” but express from her truest self.

Conformity has led us to forget that we have our own voice. And it has created us to become insecure in relying on our own voices & hearts.

How to set comfortable boundaries without feeling icky.

BOUNDARIES!  What is it about this simple word that can stir up so much? And how come when it comes to boundaries, we don’t know how to do it where they will STICK instead of them feeling ICK-y?

Are you like me? When it comes to setting, or more accurately, holding my boundaries I can’t seem to do it with a firmness that echos through the ages never to be messed with again!  😊

Maybe it starts off with one conversation that doesn’t feel too great and then what starts off as a one-off event becomes a flood of situations that has all your boundaries called into question. They all require you to use the word no or please don’t do that again! And while this may feel daunting this is actually a good sign that the Universe is delivering to you. It is as if the Universe is saying,

“Hey girl, you are leaking energy in these “specific” situations. We need you to power up. So here are a few situations for you to work on. 😉 ”

Or in other words, learn how to do this, k.  Especially if you can count a succession of events that have called up some anger, frustration, or the like. This is really a signal that it is not enough to be aware of what is happening, it is time to do, say, & repair the boundary that is permeable.

Fortunately, the Universe delivered an answer to me via a video lesson from Kate Northrup. The class was about BOUNDARIES!  Thank you, Universe!  Her tips were great. In this article I am giving you her tip along with a few things I know about HSP (highly sensitive person)/Empathetic people & enhanced it with NVC (non-violent communication)break-down. There is a lot out there about boundaries. This is just a summary of what I have learned in my own life & from the teachers I follow. 😉 I hope this helps you get started with fortifying your own boundaries.

These are actions that are helpful to making boundaries less icky.

1. Be aware. You need to first understand that the source of your anger is coming from a boundary that was violated/crossed. For an Highly Sensitive person this may be a little harder to figure out as our boundaries are always permeable. This is because we connect with people in more ways then just using words. We connect with feelings that are sometimes not expressed out loud, so to speak. It can take days, sometimes weeks, later before you understand what happened inside that conversation that stirred up so much emotion. 

Helpful Tip: Journaling on these events can help you to find the boundary that is in question. Boundaries can be: being respected, feeling misunderstood, needing acknowledgement for your achievement, etc… The more you journal the more aware you become of your boundaries.

2. Get tools. HSP/Empathetic people would be helped by getting a few spiritual & visualization tools to help them navigate crowds & any situation that calls you to be with other people. I have a friend who specializes in helping people with this specifically, Nathasja Gootjes of Helderheid Coaching (Clarity Coaching). Her newsletter offers a wonderful tip for those of you beginning to learn about your sensitivities.

3. Take responsibility for your boundary. Once you have figured out that a boundary was crossed, you can fix it if the situation calls for it. If it is with a friend, then call her up (more on how below). If it was a stranger that you will never see again, then you can’t fix it but prepare yourself for the next time. Don’t beat yourself up every time you DON’T defend your boundary. Sometimes these incidents are there to remind you. 😉

4. Use Non-violent communication. This means to use words that do not throw blame on the other person. When one feels “violated” there is a tendency to blame. It is irrational to think that the other should know your boundary and yet we do this anyway. This is an excellent time to educate them on what you are feeling and needing from them. NVC follows 4 principles: Observe, Feel, Need & Request.  This is an example that Kate offered.

 “When you interrupt me in conversation (Observe), I feel upset (Feeling) because I feel my words are not important to you (Need). Would you be willing to allow time for me to finish my thoughts when we are in conversation? (Request)

This is a great way to maintain a solid connection between you and your friend/partner. It also opens up a meaningful conversation without throwing the other person off-balance by blaming or making them upset. And it gives you what you need. In this case, acknowledgement from your friend that what you say is important to them. That you matter.

 

How does this method feel to you?

Would you use it the next time someone crosses your boundaries?

Want a little help with finding your boundaries and setting them?

Let’s have a chat! I will go in just like a detective, help you find your boundaries then we explore what ways you could set & hold your boundaries to make them stronger. 

It is my specialty to see you as you truly are & approach your concerns with an open and loving heart. I coach women to listen, trust and follow their hearts. If you are ready for a talk about what you want to bring into your life then please schedule 45 minutes with me.