Why SHOULD is no good in matters of your heart.

I want to talk about something that has been on my mind: The almighty SHOULD.  It is a word that can single-handedly unravel anything your heart wants for you most.  If you could only make that should shut up!  “Shoulds” are tricky.  They go something like this,

  • I should be exercising.
  • I should have done this or that. 
  • I should know this by now.
  • I should call my MOM.

They can be pretty harsh and most often punitive. But let’s flip that script. Look at them through the eyes of love ( ahem, self love that is)!  When you catch yourself in this place of should-ing, stop, think of what’s important in there and throw some love all over that should.  For instance,

  • “I should be exercising.” Could be this: I love to exercise so I’m going to find more time to add it back into my schedule. Now, if you are not a lover of exercise and there is something more going on here, then be honest with yourself.  Are you saying this because you think you should be something you are not?  Can you LOVE how you are now?
  • “I should have done this or that.” Could be: I’m doing a lot right now. Maybe some things need to be adjusted so I can make room for those things that are important to me.  Here there are many ways to examine this one.  But if it comes down too much and things are slipping at the way side then maybe it’s time to figure out what you can get help with and what is truly your responsibility.  Find the love, not the fault.
  • “I should know this by now.” Could be:  I am growing in new ways and learning a lot.  I will make sure to give myself a lot of self-care and love while I’m growing in this new way.
  • “I should call my MOM.” Could be:  I’m going to call my Mom right now. OR, It’s been some time and I would like to talk to my Mom. Ok, I am going to be REAL here with you on this one. Mom’s and daughter relationships can be a complicated matter. So take this one with a bit of ease and levity.  There may need to be MORE LOVE added than this.  <3

Hopefully, you realize by some of these examples that self love is about being compassionate to yourself and not punishing.  Should comes from the place of saying, “You are not good enough and you need to be worker harder.” Well, WHO SAYS!  Your negative self talking Saboteur does. And if you remember, I told ya what that was all about over here.

I believe anyone can get to the bottom of a should. All it takes is the commitment to want out of it, focused intention and patience with yourself. Once you begin you will clear the way and then all you will hear is your heart.  

I need HELP with the shoulds!

Does this SHOULD game sound a bit too hard to go it on your own?  Maybe you need to just get started with your own should’s and then be set free to unravel their tricky tales.  Well, I’m hear to help whisper to you what your heart wants you to know and coach you on how to hear it more.  Grab some time with me for 45 minutes and let’s get beyond that should once and for all! 

How cleaning out your drawers is a practice in self-love?

Have you felt this way?  That itch to simplify your life by shedding things that you no longer need or want. Have you also been cleaning out your drawers lately?

That has been my experience recently. Usually when I feel this way I know that I am preparing for something more to enter into my life. I’m not totally aware of that at the time, by the way.  I just answer that call of “I gotta get this stuff out of my house. OR I’m gonna go crazy!” You know what I mean. I go through everything (husband & kid’s too) in the house and ask myself,

Is this necessary to keep? 

I load up bags and bags full of items that maybe someone else could use and place it by the door.  It usually takes months to make it from the bag- to the car -to the recycle center. But in my mind, it’s “organized” as on it’s way out! After finishing the tedious task of putting items in bags,  I look for other places that are FULL of unnecessary stuff and/or actions that are simply just a waste of my time & energy. Let’s take social media for instance.  That time wasting activity of scrolling on Facebook scanning and NOT reading anyone’s updates for what seems like HOURS.  Or god how I love it ..Pinterest! Same issue but more like “look at all those things I wish I could have!”   The shiny object syndrome at it’s best. 😉   And, I am a little embarrassed to admit this, sometimes I go on a YouTube binge-watching thinking “Oh it’s only one clip of James Cordon singing in his car with (fill in a famous singer you love).”  And of course the ever-addicting NETFLIX-a-thon that occurs more often then I care to mention. Hey, they put out good stuff! Educational even! Am I right?

I often do this around this time of year.  It probably is rooted in ancestry, or has to do with the weather and most definitely is matching the seasonal change. You know, because the leaves are falling. It’s natural to want to shed with them.  Whatever the case may be, it always feels good to drop things that are NO good for me any longer. 

This is self-love. Why? Because when you go through your house & life in order to de-clutter all the things that are hanging around taking space (and energy-stagnant as it may be) what you are symbolically saying is, “I’m finished and completed with this thing or that situation.  Now I’m ready for the next thing.” This is a ritual of letting go and it signals to the Universe that you are ready for something new and are willing to make the necessary changes to make room and allow for more of what you do want IN.  Who can’t get excited about that!  So… 

 So Have you cleaned out your drawers lately?  Dumped any old videos & files out of your caché?  What have you shed recently in your life?

Ready to SHED more with a coach? Let's talk about what's hanging around.

 Take advantage of this totally complimentary 45-minute sample session so we can CLEAN out the old stinkin’ thinkin’ and get you on the path of allowing more into your life today.

JUMP! for my love!

Jump!! For my love!  I’m a HUGE Pointer Sisters fan and thought it would be a fun way to “hint” at something I said in this video.  It started with this question:

If you have only 60 minutes and money is no object:  How would you spend your time? And WHAT would you do?

This is a great question to help access your true desires and hear what your heart longs for.  Your heart gives you hints on everything in life. Things like a new way of seeing a difficult situation, or sometimes it prompts you to go do that thing you want to do, or maybe it urges you to talk to that lady across the street so you can make a new friend.  But the heart whispers not yells.  So it takes practice in getting in touch with it. The results?  Well, the more you listen, and follow, the more you become someone who exclusively follows his/her heart.  And then you discover that life can be fun, full of adventure, and excitement! Desire more of those things? Then I would suggest using this question every hour and see where life takes you.

And hey if you do…tell me what happens.  I love to root for fellow heart followers!! <3

And if you are really curious watch the video and find out what my heart told me!  (GULP!).

HEART DISCLOSURE: No two hearts are the same.  
Results WILL definitely vary!!

Want more questions to help tap into your Heart?

If you are looking to hear your HEART more, the BEST way I know how to do that is to first get still and listen. The Full Heart Meditation program is NOW available to help you do just that!  CHOCK full of more inspiring questions just like the one above!

Cool, right?

CLICK the button to FIND out more.

 

GETTING REAL: Confessions of a Self Love Coach

I have been off camera for awhile. In this video I talk about how all, and I mean ALL of my saboteurs have shown up and ran the show! These are the ones responsible:
– Little Miss Perfect (Perfectionism with a cute name)
– Imposter Syndrome – Who am I to tell YOU anything?
– Wanting to say something that has real IMPACT – ugh this one was the biggest of all! that word impact is HUGE and can really derail a solo-preneur.
-Comparison-itis – You know this, you compare your work against another’s and decide yours is not “worthy”. Which leads to:
– “I am not GOOD enough!” or as Wayne Campbell of SNL’s* Wayne’s World says, I’m Not Worthy!

Whoa! I am here to tell you that it can happen to any of us including, and most especially, those of us in the self development industry, specifically coaching. I tell you how I worked through it and why I decided to come back.

Oh and…one I didn’t mention but is very real, “What will everyone think of me?”

 

*SNL – Saturday Night Live is an American Comedy show recorded LIVE in New York City every Saturday.  Wayne’s World was a sketch on this show with Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey.

 

Longing to connect more to yourself?

Are you experiencing a lot of Saboteurs too?  The BEST way I know how to get out of your Saboteur’s voice and more into your heart is to first get still and listen.  I offer an online program named, Full Heart Meditation program.  In this program I walk you through each life area (i.e., career, love life, etc…) that you may be experiencing your saboteurs the most!  You don’t need to know “how” to meditate.  I guide you through a visualization to help connect you back to YOU and your heart.  Find out more by clicking on the button.

When it is time to re-evaluate your VALUES?

First things first, do you know your values?  This is a trendy thing to say, I realize, but an essential thing to have in your pocket.  Why?  Well, simply because to know your values is to also know how to direct your life.  This is one of the very first things I walk clients through at the beginning of our partnership.  KNOW thy Values!  It’s a must.  I take them through an exercise to prioritize the Top 5.  We have a bazillion values but its the top few that we really work within the most often.  Therefore I picked 5 to focus in on for coaching.

Once you have that figured out there may come a time when you feel your values aren’t being met.

When do you know it is time? What do you do when it is time to re-evaluate?

You know it’s time when one seems to be getting “hurt” a lot.  Let me use an example and walk us through it.

Let’s say you have a value of loyalty. When someone is your friend, your gift back to them is your loyalty.  You believe that loyalty is a virtue of that friendship and therefore you would always stand by your friend. No. Matter. What. This is an unspoken code that you live by.

Now let’s say you’ve been feeling from a friend that they haven’t shown the same level of loyalty by certain behaviors you’ve seen of late. It seems that they do not return the loyalty you give so freely. With loyalty it usually is something that is tested in the friendship.  You may feel like they didn’t stick up for you in a specific situation. But you feel strongly they are not being as loyal to you as you would be to them.  This is a good time to take a look at this value.

Of course, we each of us have our own set of values.  We use them as our GPS systems and they help define our way through life that makes life good, safe, and right for us.  But that does not mean yours shouldn’t be honored in a relationship or friendship.  The first thing I would ask this person with a value of loyalty is to be clear about their value.

Step 1. Clarity on your value NOW. How you define it or see life through the value of LOYALTY?

Then I would take this example of the friend and talk out where and how it hurt that the friend didn’t do right by them.

Step 2. See where and what is happening when  you are hurt/hurting.  What happens when someone doesn’t honor your value of LOYALTY?  How do you feel? How often is it happening? What is happening when you feel they are not loyal?

Usually we call this your value isn’t being honored. When it is not honored you will feel frustrated and angry.  But this can be due to the fact that you have a silent expectation that the other person/s aren’t aware.  It is always good to say aloud our needs in any relationship. But if things aren’t changing there are a few things you can do.  Before we go down that road it may be time to…

Step 3. Time to re-evaluate/review your value.  You could be having too many expectations when it comes to the meaning of your value. OR assuming everyone has the same values or ideas.

If you talk to the person and they just don’t seem to really understand you then it is either time to re-evaluate your friendship or your expectations around your value.

Values are at the core of who we are and how we relate to others and navigate life.  It is always good to have a good understanding of your values and what is working according to them and what is not.

 

Why do we need to REtreat?

Every now and again it is an amazing gift to give yourself to get away and retreat.  And there are some really great people, ladies, out there who make it happen by hosting them!

Who doesn’t need a retreat every once in a while?

I mean, TREAT is built right into the word.  I would argue we all need it from time to time.  To take a step out of our daily lives, meet new people, see other environments, and connect with YOU!  It is arguably the best self-love thing you could ever do!

Being a Stay-home Expat Business Mama this is a VERY VERY key to creating harmony in my life.  It gives me time to take stock in my life, review where I am and where I want to go, and just BREATHE.  This is why we should all take time to retreat.

So when my good friend and fellow lady entrepreneur, Nathasja Gootjes told me she was having a weekend for us ladies…well I signed up immediately. AND I thought I have GOT to tell everyone I know about it!  Because Ladies this event should not be missed! JOIN US for…The Sisterhood of Love 2018

Come take a look at this interview with Nathasja and hear more about what she has planned.

 

For more information on how to Retreat with us at the Sisterhood for Love, click this link, Sisterhood of Love.