RAISE your hand, if you are tired of being fixed.

Have you ever experienced a time where you felt like someone was fixing you?

Let me set the scene with an example that could be plucked out of real life.

You are at a party. You bumped into a friend and a conversation starts. The “How are you?” exchange kicks it off. Then at some point, the friend asks a more in-depth question that deserves a fuller answer.  If you are anything like me and consider yourself to be an honest person, then no matter the question, you always tell it like it is. Usually that means being really transparent and giving more details. What I’ve noticed is that this somehow “gives permission”or carte blanche for what comes next.  And what comes next is that you find yourself in the middle of a strategy talk. And as a result, you both have moved away from connecting as human beings and straight into how can this (you) be fixed.

Just because someone shared their vulnerability doesn’t mean they want to be fixed!

What happens to you when this is unfolding?

Well, at first you may feel a bit off.  You may also feel like you are wrong, small or not good enough because this person is in process of fixing you.  Your friend, by asking one question, has now created an incubator on how can we make You great (again). They don’t even notice that you’re not “in” the conversation anymore. You probably have stopped talking for awhile. They are so busy spinning ideas at you that you are lost in a wave of their inspired energy and incidentally loving what they are coming up with!  This energy that they created is not for you. It is for them to feel good about themselves, using your answer to their question as a way to achieve this. But that doesn’t feel too great for you.

When you are the one on the receiving end of this kind of conversation you will feel it in your solar plexus (gut) while the person is talking. And that feeling is like a warning sign saying something like, “This is not resonating.”or “This doesn’t feel right.” But you may not be sure why you are feeling that and let the conversation continue. And if you are an HSP/Empath like me, you want to stop the conversation but you are overwhelmed by their feelings and your own.  Now, here comes the people who say, “Oh just tell them to shut up and mind their own business.” Unfortunately, if we could gain some ground while it was happening then you bet we would. But it is not in the nature of an highly sensitive person to do that because we know how it feels.  We know that when we tell them to stop or “shut up”, how that will land, and feel on the other person immediately. Because we feel that too. It has very much the effect of a boomerang. Only with feelings. In a way, it is a wonderful gift because you know what you say hurts both you & the other person. So you are naturally careful when choosing your words. On the other hand, it causes you to freeze when you are in a situation where you do need to stand up for yourself. My throat closes and I smile a lot when I am in this type of situation.

Honestly, I’m still learning how to navigate this hidden talent of being an HSP/Empath. What I have come to understand about being empathetic is that we often pull in emotions and feelings of others, in a subconscious and natural way, which can confuse us with our own feelings. Often, we assume the feelings we pull in, are our own. It is important to get tools* that you can use to protect yourself so that you can hold your boundaries and ward off these types of seemingly innocent conversations.

 

What is happening in this conversation?

It is simple. We’ve all been raised in a society to find solutions to problems. We want RESULTS. When someone is solving, it is from the head. The epicenter of analytical problem solving. Which is needed and good. Let’s not make that a bad thing. But, when we go to this place, which let’s face we’ve all learned to do, we are thinking in a linear way. That means everything and everyone must fit into a proven way for success. Therefore, when someone sees a problem, they instantly detach from the person, and begin to fix. But this kind of thinking, doesn’t consider you, your feelings, & your life experience. Maybe you’ve got this handled & just experiencing a set back. There is a lot of assuming and resolving that is not considering these other factors which is YOU!  This has little to do with being compassionate of other people’s journeys or processes, when one listens to fix another person. It is almost always more about them than you. It is akin to advise giving! I’ve talked about that, here.

 

Does this situation sound familiar? What did you do?

Please share in the comments. Let’s support each other in changing our fixing habits into loving ones.

 

*A few notable resources for HSP/Empathetic people:

The Empath’s Survival Guide by Judith Orloff

The Highly Sensitive person website, by Dr. Elaine Aron

 

Are you FED up with being “fixed” but you are looking for change? Do you want someone to listen and really see who you are without trying to solve you and give you advice?

Look no further!

It is my specialty to see you as you truly are and approach your concerns with an open and loving heart. I coach women to listen, trust and follow their hearts. If you are ready for a talk about what you want to bring into your life then please schedule 45 minutes with me.

It started by opening our hearts, & 1 year later here we are!

One YEAR ago…

 It all started with an idea and a wish to connect and be a part of a small group of women who longed to speak from their hearts as I did. I decided it would be easier to make it in my home and comfortable allowing a small number to attend. I’ve seen some women come once who didn’t know me at all. And some women who come as often as they are able. It is remarkable what happens when women come together. I’ve been truly inspired by the women who have come to my home.

We’ve only just begun! 

Yes this is a shameful song reference of the Carpenters

It is a courgeous thing to do, open your hearts, be vunerable, and share among, often, strangers. But what I’ve seen and experienced with these women is that when one of us opens up and speak from her heart it gives us all permission to do so. It helps bring hearts together which creates true connection with others. 

So tell me, have you been thinking, Hmmm could this be something for me?

Then please let me encourage you to join us.

We would love to have you! ♥

Here is how it works:

These monthly sessions are hosted in the comfort of my home (otherwise known as, the living room). Together, we create a safe place for us to feel comfortable & able to talk about what resides deep in our hearts. All topics are open. There will be no photos of attendees, no live streams, no videos, or anything of the sort.  We hold a pact that all things shared in the room are not for the public. Keeping it confidential, keeps us safe and allows us to open our hearts.

As always it is open for 8 women. Tea, Coffee, and snacks are provided.  We welcome any baked goods and snacks if you would like to share some. 🙂

In order to secure one of these 8 spots, please “purchase” a ticket at the link provided. It is a free event. However, some details will not be published on Facebook or here on the website. Therefore by “purchasing” a ticket and providing an email, you will receive more details about the event AND your spot will be reserved for this month. 

Courage means speak with heart!

Join us on February 25, 2019

Recently Brene Brown posted this:

The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage had a very different definition than it does today. Courage originally meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.”

Over time, this definition has changed, and today, courage is more synonymous with being heroic. Heroics is important and we certainly need heroes, but I think we’ve lost touch with the idea that speaking honestly and openly about who we are, about what we’re feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad) is the definition of courage.

Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today’s world that’s pretty extraordinary.

 This is exactly how I feel about what we come together to do in these living room sessions: To speak from our hearts is to be courageous.  There is no doubt about that!

 

Next month marks a year that these sessions began. It has been a wonderful year of self-discovery & connection! I’ve seen a lot of women being courgeous by opening up their hearts and sharing among, often, strangers. When one of us opens up and speak from her heart it gives us all permission to do so. It helps bring hearts together.

If you have been thinking, Hmmm could this be something for me?

Then please let me encourage you to join us.

We would love to have you! ♥

These monthly sessions are hosted in the comfort of my home (otherwise known as, the living room). Together, we create a safe place for us to feel comfortable & able to talk about what resides deep in our hearts. All topics are open. There will be no photos of attendees, no live streams, no videos, or anything of the sort.  We hold a pact that all things shared in the room are not for the public.  Keeping it confidential, keeps us safe and allows us to open our hearts.

As always it is open for 8 women. Tea, Coffee, and snacks are provided.  We welcome any baked goods and snacks if you would like to share some. 🙂

In order to secure one of these 8 spots, please “purchase” a ticket at the link provided. It is a free event. However, some details will not be published on Facebook or here on the website. Therefore by purchasing a ticket and providing an email, you will receive more details about the event AND your spot will be reserved for this month.

Do you have questions? Need more info? Ask here.

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